Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Academic Haiku

Some of my friends and I began, a few years ago, to put frustrations with idiotic situations into haiku. It's amazing how therapeutic it is.

While most of my students remain great, there's a minority this semester who are driving me CRAZY. To that end, I give you Academic Haiku. (They're only haikus because they're 5-7-5; they bear no real resemblance to the other formal structures of haiku.) My favorite is the second-to-last one.

Academic Haiku:

E-mail handle tip:
"sexyboy69" is

Complete text: "dude, what
is that paper for that class?"
No name. You got me!

"I could not do work:
Blackboard broken." "Blackboard fine:
Upgrade your browser."

"You did not post work."
It's right there. Life tip: Before
lie, check evidence.

Screams echo in night:
"Answer my 3 a.m. e-
mail!" I'm sleeping, jerk.

One-hour response on
all e-mail? Your premise is

I cannot answer
your e-mail when I am in
class. I suck that way.

Students cannot seem
to locate staplers, ever.
They need red Swinglines.

Life tip: Do not claim
hospital stay after you
pass me in the hall.

Loving Jesus nice,
but your grade is based on works,
not faith in Yahweh.

Theme threatening prof
with eternal damnation:
Not best strategy.


Cory said...

Umm...The first one is 5-6-5. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Looks like 5-7-5 to me:

sex y boy six ty nine is
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Just sayin'.

Jennifer said...

OMG, that's hysterical. Maybe you should print those out and attach them to your syllabus!