Friday, November 16, 2007

Every Now and Then I See the Dude Who Married My Parents on TV

... which I rather suspect was my grandmother's point, because she wanted like a dozen Jesuits to marry them, just to be sure it would stick. If you watch Religion & Ethics Newsweekly on PBS, or if you read basically anything from the wire services about Catholicism, you'll eventually see Tom Reese quoted. (If you want to see Eyebrows's gurus, you'll have to keep an eye out for Richard McBrien and Stanley Hauerwas*, who are both proud of Eyebrows when she gets herself in trouble, but for entirely different reasons.)

Eyebrows, on the other hand, had a Methodist woman give the sermon at her wedding. Eyebrows had a pretty entertaining wedding as a general thing, since Mr. McGee met the presiding priest in traffic school, and the priest a) had a spectacular voice and b) was pretty mellow about letting Eyebrows retranslate all the readings and have a Methodist preach the sermon and have a friend from college sing the Ave Maria and the organist play the Notre Dame Alma Mater. Apparently he told Mr. McGee I was the weirdest bride he'd ever had, but I guess he just hasn't had that many brides who insist on doing their own translations from the Hebrew and get all uppity about the liturgical symbolism of veils (Eyebrows did not wear one).

Eyebrows's priest told them that he'd never had a divorce in any of the couples he married, so Eyebrows feels morally obligated to calculate how much she'd be bringing down his average whenever she feels the urge to smack her husband. He also talked a lot about brightly-colored water and bowls and pouring water and things, but Eyebrows was frankly pretty stressed out and didn't pay that much attention when he was talking. She only listened during pre-Cana; anything that came after pre-Cana got filtered out by the stress.

*Stanley Hauerwas taught Eyebrows's mom freshman ethics when Hauerwas was a baby professor at Notre Dame and Eyebrows's mom was a baby college student. When Hauerwas found out he'd taught Eyebrows's mom ethics and now had Eyebrows in ethics class (as a grad student at Duke), he laughed until he cried and blamed Eyebrows for being 25ish. Eyebrows feels suitably guilty about it.

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