Thursday, August 16, 2007

Profiling at the Drug Store

I'm at Walgreens this afternoon picking up spousal junk food and some toilet paper, as I am nearly out. I grabbed the big 12-roll package because, well, who wants to have to buy toilet paper again right away?

Now, I'm wearing a T-shirt and shorts with my hair in a ponytail, and I realize that in such get-up, particularly when my hair is in a ponytail, I look much younger than my age, and I'm used to being carded at normal carding-type activities when I am so dressed.

So I get to the check-out and the cashier says, suspiciously and intently, as if she really doesn't know the answer, "What's the toilet paper for?"

I was completely taken aback, literally stumped into silence, because she really sounded like she wanted to know and I could not imagine how a 50-something woman would not already know what toilet paper was for, nor why she would ask such a rude question. I stood there staring for a long moment, with a puzzled and indignant, "For wiping my butt," on the tip of my tongue before I finally managed to stammer, "I'm almost out."

She continues to stare narrowly at me for a long moment and it slowly dawns on me, from the dim recesses of my memory, that I recall enforcing an anti-TPing policy when I worked at a five-and-dime type place in high school, whenever teenagers tried to buy large quantities of toilet paper, because obviously no teenagers are ever sent to the store to buy toilet paper for their mothers; the ONLY reason for buying toilet paper while teenaged is vandalism.

"I'm twenty-nine!" I blurt. I'm still quite befuddled by this whole interchange and my mind and mouth are not quite functioning in concert.

She finally (but still suspiciously) rings up my toilet paper.

Now I'm really glad I didn't try to buy Sudafed!


Diane Vespa said...

Oh gawd, next thing you know they are going to start regulating tampons!

Anonymous said...

Maybe they are so spending so much time with monitoring your toilet paper that that is why the methheads are still cooking with the sudafed!

My Flock Rocks! said...

My 50 plus year old hubby got carded while buying beer at the gas station...he said, oh come on, you can tell I am over 21! They kindly replied, they card every body...I said, hon, you were buying two 30 packs of beer, they were probably carding you to see if you have ever had a DUI! Duh!
But the TP story is priceless! Almost made me hafta pee from laughing so hard!

Ms. PH said...

Boy - kids have really gotten off easy if they are buying their TP-ing toliet paper.

Back in my day, we stole it from fast food restaurants.

Jennifer said...

Next time you should buy squeeze bottle ketchup, toilet paper and eggs. You just might end up in handcuffs.

East Bluff Barbie said...

I got carded in Walmart when I tried to buy a hatchet for my father-in-law for Christmas a couple of years ago. I couldn't believe it. So if you want to be an axe murderer don't get the axe at Walmart, they may be able to identify you!

pollypeoria said...

Kids still T.P.? Personally, I gave it up (used to be a favorite hobby) when they stopped making colored toilet paper. When my friends and I would paper a house it would resemble an Easter parade. All those pretty pastels streaming in the breeze, such fond memories. These days T.P. is devoid of character, charm, and artistic merit. Only having white toilet paper to choose from is anti-capitalistic, communist, and simply un-American.

Thanks for the chuckle, Eyebrows. I'd have sympathy for you, but since I never have this problem you must look much younger and cuter than me.

Jennifer said...

Gosh, I had totally forgotten about pastel colored toilet paper. This has been like a walk down memory lane for me.