Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Bacon Cures Epic Crankiness

Eyebrows has been cranky, dealing with contractors who don't return calls and seedlings that won't grow and rabbits that don't understand they're not supposed to be able to jump that high! It's crossed from crankiness into epic crankiness; someone needs to write either a five-book prose cycle or a two hundred page iambic pentameter poem about it. It's just that epic.

I called my mother to complain about my epic crankiness, and she said it wasn't really fair because she never dumps her cranky on me. I said I'd be happy to listen to her cranky. She said she never calls me when I'm cranky. I said that was hardly my fault, was it? She said she brought me into this world and BY GOD she could take me out of it. (No, she didn't really, but I wouldn't have blamed her if she had.)

At any rate, Mr. McGee eventually made me bacon, and the truth is that bacon will stop me in my tracks no matter what I'm in the middle of. I would stop three feet from the summit of Mount Everest to eat hot bacon, even if it meant my feet would get frostbite and fall off. And so the bacon stopped me in the middle of my epic crankiness, with its salty, artery-clogging goodness. I could tell Mr. McGee disapproved of my snacking on bacon to cheer up, but he was wise enough not to object because, well, epicly cranky wife. Plus, it's entirely possible that had he tried to remove any bacon from my plate, I might have turned feral. And I think he likes all his fingers where they are, attached to his hand and all.

1 comment:

Dana (caryatid) said...

Bacon recipes in case of more epic crankiness. (1 healthy, 1 not so healthy)


Not so healthy:
Dip bacon in flour, place on baking sheet. Bake in oven at 375-425 until you can't take it anymore.

Any flour left on pan will be ready to make gravy. Mmmmmm...

Grandma's Broccoli Salad

2 C mayonaise
1/3 C sugar
2 tsp vinegar

8 slices crisp bacon broken into bits (I use the whole pack)
12oz monteray Jack cheese
1 small onion
2 bunches broccoli (use the florets)
2 bunches carrots chopped/and or cauliflower
can add raisons.

(Personally, I only use broccoli, carrots, a ton of bacon, cheese and the dressing. Raw onions, cauliflower and raisens are not at the top of my list of favorite foods.)