Saturday, April 15, 2006

"Happy Easter"

It's normal to wish others a "Happy Easter," but that just seems so commonplace, so bunnies-and-Hallmark, so bland.

If we were really thinking about what Easter MEANS, we'd never say "happy." It's wildly inadequate for the occasion. We'd say something like:

HAVE A FUCKING MIND-BLOWING, REVELATORY, AND LIFE-CHANGING EASTER!

And we'd always say it in all caps, and only because there's nothing bigger. And we'd continually run out of English-language obscenities that adequately expressed how fucking mindblown we truly were by Easter. (Except for my father, who is currently thinking, "How did my daughter learn that word and why is she using it in PUBLIC?")

Annie Dillard wrote that if we knew what was really happening in Mass, we'd all be wearing crash helmets and seatbelts in church. But we don't. We don't think about it. It's just an everyday miracle. We just go to church, and it's like, "Hey, happy Jesus!"

So for Easter I say to you, "HOLY SHIT! JESUS GOT THE FUCK UP FROM BEING DEAD! HAVE A MIND-BLOWING EASTER AND A REVELATORY, LIFE-CHANGING EASTER SEASON! DUDE FUCKING ROSE FROM THE DEAD! YOU'RE FRIGGIN' SAVED!"

So Happy Easter. I hope it blows your friggin' minds! JESUS GOT THE FUCK UP FROM DEATH!

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