Friday, December 16, 2005

Disgruntled Postal Workers

My mail lady hates mail.

This is the only conclusion I can draw. For a while, I tried to create some romantic Faulknerian story about her travails as a mail lady (Faulkner was the postmaster at Ole Miss and fired for skipping mail delivery to read poetry with friends, ganking other people's magazines to read from the mail, and generally being a lazy SOB -- odd the factoids you remember from high school English class), but I think she just really hates mail.

She is unconcerned about the actual addresses on the mail. We routinely have a neighborhood swap where I deliver my neighbor's bills next door, and my other neighbor comes by to drop off mine. Sometimes I get mail from the same number, a few streets over. Sometimes I get mail from places on her route that have nothing in common with my address whatsoever.

When I set mail out for her to pick up, often she'll take half of it and drop the other half in my bushes. Some days half my delivered mail ends up in the bushes too.

The worst is packages, though. She literally DROPS them on the front step, even when they're marked fragile. If they're small enough, she will toss them on the front step from five feet away. I work from home. I see her do it! If it's pouring rain, she never bothers to knock (she knows I work from home) to let me know I have a cardboard box busily soaking through on my stoop. (The UPS and FedEx dudes not only knock, but if I'm not home they leave the package at the side door under the awning when it's raining!)

I have always had the nicest, most super-efficient postal people ever, everywhere else I have lived. Never anybody who would give fit negative stereotypes about postal workers. My last mail lady, in North Carolina, actually came by AFTER HER ROUTE at 5:30 p.m. one evening because an important letter for me got to the post office after she'd left for her route that day, and she wanted to make sure I got it as quickly as possible, so she dropped it by my house on her way home from work!

But this woman! She just clearly hates mail. I have never seen someone with quite so much animus toward letters. I'd complain, but I'm afraid I'd never get my bills on time again if I did.


pollypeoria said...

I think your postcarrier/mail hag might have a drinking problem. Call her supervisor. I did a few years ago after experiences like yours and my CDs from my overpriced-must-have-been-drunk-when-I-filled-out-the-form-music-club constantly went AWOL. Guess what? The USPS sent someone out with a video camera to hide behind behind my living room drapes-it takes a lot to fire a gov't employee- taped the mail hag's half assed antics, and eventually got a warrant for her house. Not just my CDs in her attic, but everyone elses too, and tons (literally!) of neighborhood mail she was "too exhausted" to deliver over the years. They have a special complaint line for this and you can do it anonymously, just like blogging!

Samantha said...

I'm thinking my mail man is your mail lady's sister. I have the same damn problems.