Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Nerd Hole Deluxe

My husband and I have been redecorating our basement, or - as well call it - the nerd hole. The nerd hole is home to our two TVs (as they are banished from the "social" parts of the house so the TV isn't the focus of our lives or entertaining), the DVDs, the X-Box, 8 floor-to-ceiling bookshelves stuffed and overflowing with books, a 4-foot-square chess table, Mr. McGee's D&D paraphernalia, and so forth. It's where we indulge in our nerdiest passions.

The nerd hole was basically our repository of college furniture, until we caught a pair of $30 simple, black-and-silver TV stands at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for back-to-school. Once our TVs were finally side-by-side on matching TV stands (so you can watch a movie and play X-Box at the same time, DUH!), we suddenly just had to do the basement mod. $100 of Target chic later and a trip to the Mission Mart to pick up a seriously 60s grandma's-basement-type chair in bright, bright orange, it was perfect. Perfect - except that we now had a grandma chair, a beat-up recliner, and the world's smallest loveseat. (Seriously. It's all of 10 inches off the floor and wide enough for two people with skinny asses who don't eat fast foot.) With all this beautiful mod-ness - mod carpet, mod pillows, mod baskets for blankets and DVDs, mod blankets - and the Star Wars Original Trilogy Reissue movie posters up on the wall and the Lord of The Rings posters ready to hang and the boxes finally all unpacked, we needed real seating. The kind you can lie down on while you watch movies or even - close your eyes, mom - SNUGGLE on.

A futon became my life-goal. Nice futons are expensive - cheap futons HURT. But I didn't want to spend an arm and a leg on a futon (I'm down to just one of each anyway; I already spent an arm and a leg on gas). I wanted to be able to sit on it comfortably and sleep on it when the need arose - like, say, when it's above 90 degrees for FORTY DAYS in the summer and your master bedroom gets crap A/C circulation and stays stinky hot.

UFS to the rescue, of course. Saw a $129 futon AND 8" pad in their ad. Went right out and bought one. The UFS folks looked at me like I was crazy loading this thing into my little sedan. I think I'm maybe the last person in America who doesn't own a minivan, SUV, or pickup just for hauling stuff around, and it's like every retail establishment in the country has already forgotten that people used to haul mattresses and couches home in tiny little sedans! But I got it loaded and escaped UFS before dark (God forbid you be in the warehouse part of downtown Peoria after dark!), got home, and built the futon.

Here's why the futon was on sale for $129: WORST. INSTRUCTIONS. EVER.

After a few errors (due to the worst instructions ever), I got my futon built. It's comfy. I napped on it. Awesome. We discussed futon covers, and agreed that khaki was the way to go, as our super-shedding cat sheds white, and black was clearly not going to work. He walks into the living room when I'm about to leave to go to court in my ever-so-professional black suit, and from 15 feet away he shoots white hair, like a porcupine shoots quills, all over my suit. I prefer not to know that my furniture is sporting that level of cat hair, because there's just not much I can do about it. So khaki it is.

Except that super-shedding Orange Cat has refused to go in the basement since he took one look at all the moved and new furniture, and galloped upstairs. He steadfastly insists on sleeping under the dining room table on one of the chairs, and refuses to come down at all, even when we're watching movies and sitting still for hours on end so he can get lots and lots and lots of scratching behind the ears. Won't do it. He always hates new furniture and things being moved around, but it's been four days now and he still won't go back in the nerd hole. Too much new stuff at once, clearly.

You never know with that new furniture. It might be hungry for cat.

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